I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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