Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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