My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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