I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
