Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
