My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
