How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
