Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
