yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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