She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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