I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
