my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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