The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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