Me. At least after what I've been through.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
