don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
