I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
