so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
