The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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