Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can Purell be used as lube?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
