yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
