grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
