I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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