I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
