My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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