just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
