Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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