i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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