There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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