I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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