so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
