I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
