I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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