Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
