high people should be assigned attendants
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
