Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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