I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
