just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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