you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
