I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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