Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
