he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
