garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
