I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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