you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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