i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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