Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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