How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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