I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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