So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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