you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
